u feel a little foolish. a little bit of pain. like u were tried on like a pair of clothes. the fit wasn’t perfect yet u didn’t take into consideration that it might stretch after a few wears. you tossed it aside and found better. as fast as things were on they were off. I admit the outfit ur wearing fits u alot better. right size, right color, right material. but don’t u ever wonder about that lost t-shirt. the one left laying on the change room floor?

i’m at peace with myself today. last night wasn’t good. its always hard letting go. I’m much better now. Theres someone out there for me. i truly believe that. someone that loves me for me. I don’t have to pretend to be anyone else anymore. I am me. I am happy being me and someone will love me…just for being me. and i don’t care if this is horrible punctuation and terrible grammar, because this is me. and whether you accept me or not that is not my problem and i’m not in control of that. i have learned alot from this relationship. I don’t regret it one bit. I am a stronger, happier person. thank you sven.

"You don’t drown by falling into water, you drown by staying there!"

~from some self help website~

i have a knack for falling for guys that don’t like me back in the same way. i’ve never really had good timing. good job Cris, always throwing urself at everyone even when they don’t want u…

everyone wants to find love. we search until it kills us. we look until we go blind. i fall too easily for people. i call myself "a romantic at heart." translation…."naive" is the word.

babysitting can be a tough job. add sickness to the mix and u know ur in for a tough time. i’ve read almost every kids book imaginable, most of them contained trucks. these boys love their trucks lol. my one story on princess tumbalina wasn’t quite appreciated lol.

sigh poor kids. nothing is staying down. you would think theres nothing left to throw up, then again i better not jinx it. not long ago my little brother was in the hospital for dehydration cuz he was throwing up everything including fluids. thank goodness the other two aren’t in the same state. as much as i’m having a tough time today. i love kids. they have a way of showing you what’s important. they don’t judge. they accept you as u are. well dora the explorer is on. i’m being beckoned…

so lately i’ve been a little pissed about my face. originally i had thought it was acne. i’ve now met with a dermatologist. taken blood tests, urine tests, skin tests. i’ve spent a heck of alot of gas getting to these appointments and a heck of alot of cash on medication that has done nothing for me. so yes i’m a pissed. my life is already complicated enough not to mention having to deal with this right now. so this is my prayer…to the internet world. red spots please go away! ok yes i’m weird i understand that. i’m quite worried about my condition since it seems to be more serious then a simple rash on the face. anyways so instead of posting my med history on the internet. if ur curious call me (if u don’t know my number then i probably shouldn’t be telling u my med history. and u should stop reading this creepy post). anyways…the life of me…

demon’s from the past can screw with ur mind. the future is promising and yet we still have to look back. its like when ur turn on the radio and theres a good song and you have to check all the other stations just to be sure u have the best song on the radio at the moment. why double guess? why re-check? why can’t we just be sure of ourselves for once? why can’t we trust our first instinct? why can’t we trust our heart?

so seasons have changed. i am at a different point in my life. one with choices and maybe even fulfullment. its exciting. its new. tomorrow…everything will happen tomorrow

looking at the world one sees the utmost beauty of nature and the downfall of mankind.  why would a God do it that way?