a good friend of mine lost someone she loved today. her bf of 10 years walked out on her today. she went to go visit someone her bf made her a burger just before she left. when she came back the closet was empty and the suit case was gone. sadly many years before her husband walked out on her. she’s been through alot. crying alot. can’t sleep, can’t eat, and can’t get away from the phone. she’s a canoe. i wish she’d realize her potential at being a kayak. alot of people have run out on her. i’m praying that God has a plan for her. i’m praying that all of this is for a reason. its alot of hurt for her to handle all at once. i empathize with her. i can feel her pain and see the sorrow. its so real. i want to help so much and yet i can’t. she has to heal on her own. so instead i dedicate this post to her and i pray, i pray really hard for her.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood…"

theres a point in everyone’s life when one realizes the possibilities out there. sometimes i wish i could clone myself and travel different paths. decisions can drive a person mad. they increase your blood pressure robbing you of time and sleep. a friend just confessed he loved me. i felt mean to turn him down. not many people have confessed to loving me. i’ve never been in this position before.

"…two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

~Robert Frost~

I have learned that people at one point in there lives are either classifed as a kayak or a canoe. I know this sounds rather odd. Let me explain. Canoe users need 2 people to paddle and move the boat forward. Kayakers tend to be more on the independent end whereas they can obviously paddle on their own. I have been a canoist (in terms of this) my whole life. I have needed people, animals and things to secure me and to help me get through life. Not anymore. I am learning that people are not perfect, animals are not always there and that things, even the most valuable, break. They all can let u down leading u to paddle on your side alone. You end up spinning wildly and never actually go forward. I have made a vow today. I am going to live my life as a kayaker. I’ll tell u what it was like when i reach my destination…

To be lonely is to feel that you’re the only one who understands you. To be lonely is to be convinced that there is a wall between you and the world. To be lonely is to be unable to take part in normal activities. To be lonely is to be unhappy.

Alone and lonely are not the same. I had no problems being alone. Alone means comfortable to do things with no one around. Being lonely means that there are things in this life worth doing which can only be done when shared with another person, but there is no one with whom you can share. It leaves you cold, sad, angry. Loneliness becomes bitterness all too easily.

Alone and not feel lonely. But to be both at once? Eventually, you become used to being lonely. If you’re lucky, you are numb. If you are unlucky, you feel it every day, like a “phantom limb” something should be there but isn’t.