“Ambition and conquest, without contribution, is without significance” …. “What will your contribution be?”
- The Emperor’s Club -

I want my contribution to be big, i want it to be huge. Maybe thats a bad thing, but thats what i want to do i want to do something huge that will impact many people. I want to be used by God in an amazing way and serve him based on only my faith and my faith alone. Sure people say, “Listen i think u should worry about serving people in ur backyard or at school.” but the truth is i want to do something drastic that people will remember me by. maybe its for the wrong reason (i’m still not sure about that) but i don’t want to be around here, i want to go somewhere far away and make a world of difference to at least a 100 people. I want to make my contribution on the world and i want it to be big. This is my dream. I want to build a church, i don’t just want to build a building but i want to build relationships for Christ. I want children to understand who God is. I want to save lives and i honestly want someone to share it all with, and if its just God that i’ll be able to do that with then so let it be. But i will do it none the less no matter what may stand in my way, for i have a passion for this type of ministry. I want it. I want to the weird ackward and different types of ministry. I want to go into a building with a friend and clean all the toilets of this business building and see people i have never met but i would do it for free and simply tell them that i was a christian. i don’t know i want to witness outside of my comfort zone because i seem to like this box that society has placed around me and i refuse to stay in it any longer. I’m breaking out and i will satisfy this hungry for service and outreach. I will…

scrapbooks done, my nails are painted black, its 2: 36 am and i have to sing for church at 9 am and be up at 6:30 am to head out. i should get some sleep but i’m not tired, anyways whatever night…..morning……

I’m eating ice cream tonight again, i’m probably going to gain a few pounds, who cares. Life not that bad lately, its ok. I was supposed to see her today but well, plans changed whatever thats life. i have to finish this stupid scrapbook later all

I found this on the internet, its 10 signs that a guy loves a girl, i’m unsure whether their true, but whatever. I was bored so i typed them out.

10 SIGNS HE’S IN LOVE WITH HER

1) He starts thinking of the future and planning her in it! He can see himself on a vacation with her and may even see as far as a wedding.

2) Other priorities take a back seat, his important to do list is placed on the back wall for another time

3) He incorporates her into the plans and will do things he doesn’t normally do in order to spend time with her.

4) He loves spending time with her, and will go out of his way to make time for her and won’t want to do many other things but talk to her. He will look forward to see her.

5) He doesnt’ notice other woman as much anymore. He sees other woman as dull compared to her.

6) There is great chemistry and he may think alike from her and his body temperature may rise around her.

7) When he finds her quirks charming. Like how she takes her passport everywhere with her just in case…. Maybe its sometimes he can’t even put his finger on it, but he just likes her just the way she is.

8) When he cares about her, and wants to know everything about her and can’t get enough of her. If she’s having a bad day or upset about something, he’ll try to cheer her up not because he has to, but because he can’t help it.

9) He can’t stop thinking about her, when he wakes up he’s thinking about her, before he goes to sleep, when he’s out with his buddies and he happens to see an item in the store she might like, then thats love.

10) He’s forgotten his ex, feeling resurface, but when getting back together with his ex is the furthest thing from his mind, then thats love.

Its weird i have often compared my life to movies, tv shows and movie stars. Somedays i’m ur average Kate Hudson bright and laughing, other days i’m the closest i can get to Avril Lavigne. Today i watched gilmore girls and i began comparing my pitiful relationship with my mother to the same as the relationship rory and lorleai are having now, i guess i’m just scared because i’m seeing her tomorrow to pick up some stuff. and there are also have been days when i have compared my love life to dawson’s creek. Maybe it has to do with the mood i’m in.

A dear friend of mine was crying today, and i asked her whats wrong and she said nothing. The expression she wore on her face was the same expression i used to use a long time ago before a dear friend helped me. i would say “nothings wrong, i’m ok, don’t worry about me” and i would give that same grin and shrug kind of thing. anyways i’ll pray for her, i’ll pray for her alot.

Anyways its been a crazy day my head is kind of spinning (its been doing that often). maybe i need sleep or sanity. I should pray for both tonight because i feel like i’m desperately lacking the second and its keeping me up at night giving me a lack of sleep. night

Do we pursue relationships for ourselves (selfishly) or for the other person?

I’ve been listening to alot of music lately, lately i’ve been listening to the Goo Goo Dolls (good band). I love the guitar, these guys are great, in the song Acoustic its so good i love it. the best gift a person could give me is a guy that can “pick” the strings on the guitar really well a nice voice sure, but if he can play i am happy well i guess piano’s good too but they have to play jazz. i guess i’m fussy you guys need to listen to this band though they’re good i love them. anyways thats enough i better sign off i need to do so much homework, night!

I feel dizzy, i think i’m happy. I feel still a bit sad. I don’t know. Its been raining like crazy and i walked home in the rain and i thought it may be cold but it is beautiful. I love getting soaked in the rain all the way through, i used to do that when i was little. i love the colors that rain drops show i love it, but i also love that i’m inside in the warmth then outside in the cold. hmmm its a good day (first day that i didn’t get any english homework ). I think i know what i’ll be doing in the future (career wise). I plan on working for ADRA as a missionary in the future. and today i got a reply from the head administrator he told me what i need to take in school etc. I’m excited, i was talking to a good friend today and well her parents have decided where she will go to school. i am lucky because i don’t live with my parents anymore (either) so i get to choose where i will go and what i will do. That i believe is one of the best gifts given to me this christmas and i feel honored, happy and excited. Anyways i’ll sign off, later

I’ve been painting alot lately, and have been enjoying it, i like the freedom, the ablity to choose the colors, the ability to choose the picture that i want to portray, i like that there is no instructor, but there also is no talent, nevertheless i like painting. It may not be a talent but i can be a hobbie, i shall wait and see…

A few weeks ago i watched a DVD about Mark Shultz amazing guy. There are alot of people i know who can probably sing better than he can, but his character and the way he portrays himself is like no other. Someday i want to marry someone like that, he seems so, i don’t know. I don’t even have words to describe him. He has so much faith, and yet he seems so grounded. Like on the DVD he talks about how he used to hang out with his grandfather. I don’t know, i like grandparents and older people alot they have so much wisdom. I always see older people as a special place of peace. anyways i better sign off night! sweet dreams….