After watching people (which i do often) you begin to understand the world through there eyes and its the most interesting thing you could do. i almost wish you could make a career out of it. Anyways i have learned that love can be rewarding and it can be damaging. I want someday to feel that way but i’m not going to rush it. Love seems to have its own time and place for when things happen. Life does that too so you let nature take its course and pray that someday prince charming may come and i pray that i will accept him and he will accept me. Anyways, love is weird and i am only understanding this completely after i have seen others go through torture. I understand the risks and i’m willing to take them. Its weird i see people all the time couples, walking hand in hand enjoying each others company. At times i am in envy of them because they have someone who cares deeply about them and i know there are plenty of people like that but i wish sometimes that i could crawl into someones lap at the end of the day and that person could tell me that everything was going to be all right and that they cared deeply and would want me to be happy with what ever i do. Thats all i want out of life and to bless others weird i know. But i believe that is most soul purpose right now. anyways i better sign out its late. later

I believe that God does and keeps certain things in our lives for a reason. God is amazing and has done so many great things for me but there are many times in my life when i question his ability to comprehend my situation i means he’s not me he’s not going through what i’m going through. i could be possible know what to do? But there are also sometimes when i wish that i could see like him, from a birds eye view because maybe i could comprehend others point of veiw better because from where i am i only see in my own unique way of looking at it. Its like how a friend told me, its like a whole bunch of people seeing an accident. In a way we are all see this accident through different eyes so its like we are all see a different accident. Its confusing because we can see the same thing others are seeing. You become a genious though when you can make others see your opinion. Thats when brilliance comes in and i don’t even know if i have that gift. I wish God could give me certain gifts or at least teach me others because i want to help and serve people with those gifts that i don’t have but i guess you only what have what your given anyways i g2g enough talking
later….

Decisions to make i learned something though today God can’t fix your heart if you don’t give him all the pieces!
later

I did something i have never done i got help and now i feel free and happy to be me. I am excited for what this new life will bring. I feel like i am a new person like i have changed spiritually and physically. I got help, i asked for help for the first time. and well i ended up going somewhere where i thought it would be scary but it was my place of refuge anyways later

wow its not even lunch i’m already crying. What a stupid life this is. i learned something new today never share your problems with other people it helps