This is the final and last post of this blog. This blog has caused alot of pain in the past. It has created no positive thing to my life, only heartache. This is the end of so many different chapters. I have come to a realization tonight and it is a secret that will stay with me till the day I die. This is the end.

restless like hell tonight. can’t sleep but i know i need sleep. have work tomorrow. so many thoughts tonight…

i feel like a child these days. getting my hopes up. i’ve never been any good at relationships. i haven’t had alot of practice. i understand why things happen the way they do. i don’t look the way i used to look and i’m constantly reminded of that. its been a long day. i need some rest.

I have come to understand a few things. I’m not exactly the smartest, which is why simple lessons such as this one, are seldom learned in a timely manner. I have learned that love does not come in a box with a pretty bow. Actually, its rarely wrapped, and rarely expected. I have learned its not the perfect someone but rather the un-perfect someone that you are willing to accept. When someone truly accepts you for who you are. That is the greatest gift. When they aren’t appalled at weirdness. When you can be yourself. No mask, no hiding, no secrets, no fear of them seeing through. Acceptance is the key. As much as this is wonderful to understand it is also scary when one realizes the possibilties of this. These are just my thoughts. They sometimes come out jumbled and confused. Sometimes they change, nevertheless their my thoughts and its cool I have a place to write them.

Do I fall in and out of love too easily? What does that tell about me?

i have found a possible cure or at least a helpful treatment at this time. Tea tree oil…a friend had mentioned it a while ago and i now see the benefits. i doubt my hair will grow back. but thats the just the nature of the disease. anyways very happy today

why is everyone happy except me? why am i never happy with what life gives me?

PDA also known as "public display of affection," is an interesting topic. why exactly do we display affection in public? do we do it for the public or for ourselves? it may be done to reassure our partner. or simply a self esteem boost. it very well could be pride? to show others ur not ashamed to be with this person. here is my other question. why do people hate PDA so much? does it make them feel uncomfortable? why does it make them feel uncomfortable? i, on the other hand, envy them. oddly enough my last relationship one of the complaints i had was i wouldn’t let my partner be so opening affectionate with me. he felt i was ashamed of him. yet when i tried to be open he felt i was showing him off. PDA is such a finicky thing. its a good thing i’m single, so i don’t have to ponder over this too much…

its amazing what a four legged creature can do to a human being. both emotionally and of course physically. the effect this little one has had on me in the past 24hrs has been remarkable. I just met Katie today and i now believe i have made a life long friend. oddly enough, 6 hours before i would have told u that the cats name is indeed Cruella the Devil. I have learned the utmost importance of communication and understanding, and have seen a new side of friendship and acceptance. there are few that will understand this post.

(disclaimer* those who don’t understand, i just recently started fostering a 9 month old healing cat and at first was scared of her but now love her)

u feel a little foolish. a little bit of pain. like u were tried on like a pair of clothes. the fit wasn’t perfect yet u didn’t take into consideration that it might stretch after a few wears. you tossed it aside and found better. as fast as things were on they were off. I admit the outfit ur wearing fits u alot better. right size, right color, right material. but don’t u ever wonder about that lost t-shirt. the one left laying on the change room floor?